Here we go again.....

You guys sick of me yet?

Hopefully not, cause here's the fun-est (and unfortunately longest) part of the series.

Ok, so here we gooooooo.....

The XP's Fairy Definitely not so secret tips for living on Krynn Part III - THE GODS.....

Dum, dum, dum.....

Ok. So there are 23 Gods on Krynn...

What did you say?

The DM told you that there were only 21?

Well, funny how life is sometimes, we are BOTH right.

There ARE 23 Gods, but you mortals only have to worry about 21 of them. I just wanted to make sure that you were paying attention. Mortals really don't worship the High God or Ionthas (Chaos) so I'm not even going to bother.....

Except I just did, kinda, sorta, a little bit....

Ok, so the OTHER 21 are divided equally, 7 good gods, 7 neutral gods and 7 eeeeeeeevil gods. Krynn is a lot about balance ya see.

Now, before you all just close this, delete this, or just ignore this in favor of some cool YouTube video of something hitting someone somewhere that can't be spoken of in polite company, just hang with us for a little bit.

You see, Krynn isn't a theocracy (look it up, kiddos), but just about everyone knows at least the names of the Gods, cause there are representations of them hovering in the sky every night. People know these Gods, even if they aren't particularly religious, so hang in there.

Ok, so most books list the good gods (Gods of Light) in alphabetical order, then the neutral gods (Gods of Balance) then those evil folks (Gods of Darkness). I'm going to do something a bit different.....

Reverse Alphabetical Order.

I am nothing if not quirky!

Zivlyn: This God is the god of Wisdom, but he's also known as the Tree of Life. Great thinkers worship him, and anyone that wants to learn stuff would be wise to at least give him a passing "What's UP?". Zivlyn is the "patron God" of scholars and those types.

An important little tidbit, some say that if you look into Zivlyn's Avatar's eyes, you can totally see the future, all the way to how you are supposed to bite the big one. Creepy.

Zeboim: The Sea Witch, not to be confused with Ursula from the Little Mermaid, this one is much, much worse. She won't just steal your voice and then try to steal your boyfriend, oh no my friends. This EVIL Goddess of the sea will capsize your fleet and raise undead sea creatures to munch you if you aren't lucky to drown when your boat goes down.

However, she's super popular with pirate and evil sea elves. She's super NOT popular with followers of Habbakuk, since she's mostly his exact opposite. Most folks that are planning on traveling by sea at least make a little bit of a sacrifice to her to insure safe passage.

Takhisis: OOOOOOOh, now here's one not to tick off, cause if you do she's invade Krynn, or steal the entire world out from under the rest of the gods or all sorts of other naughty things. She is the head honcho chiefy-boss of the Gods of Darkness.

She's in charge of the evil dragon, and she is the one that created the Ogre race. She really can't stand her brother, Paladine, or her consort Sargonnas, or her daughter Zeboim, or.... You getting the picture? She is the ultimate embodiment of evil on Krynn.

Solinari: Well, if you are going to be one of Paladine and Mishakal's three sons, at least be the one that gets to cast FIREBALLS!!!!!!! Sol (as I like to call him) is the Good God of White Robes mages.

A nifty note on him and the other Gods of magic: they don't technically have clerics.

The Gods of Magic are worshipped every time a Wizard of High Sorcery casts a spell. But do the Wizards get divine spells? Nooooooooo. I'm sure that some out there might think that's unfair, but really? Would you rather have Cure Light Wounds or FireBall?

Sirrion: Gotta love a God with a lot of flash. Sirrion is the neutral god of Fire, alchemy and all things that go KABOOM!!!

Sirrion suffers from a bad PR Group, he really doesn't have that many followers, but if it's a rainy night out and your need to start a camp fire RIGHT now, him and his clerics are your bestest friends. Oh, and Sirrion's consort (what's with all the Gods shacking up? You'd think this was Greece!) is Shinare.

Which brings us to Shinare. She's the neutral Goddess of commerce, wealth and all that good stuff. She's one of the chief deities that the Dwarves of Krynn worship.

Mercs, merchants and the like worship her. As noted above, she's the companion of Sirrion and she HATES Hiddukel.

Which DOES not bring us to Hiddukel. This brings us to Sargonnas, and none too soon. Ya see, Sargonnas is not only the consort of Takhisis (even though they hate each others immortal guts) but he's also the god of VENGANCE, and other stuff. So it's probably a good thing that we got to him before some of the others.

Sargonnas is the high mucky mucky gods of the Minotaurs. Sargonnas hates all of the Gods of Good, except Kiri-Jolith (who some say can kick his backside into next week if he wanted to). Since he's also the god that evil monks revere, Majere and his hot-bloodedness do not get along at all.

Oh, and did I mention that him and Takhisis really can't stand each other, even though they had two godlings together?

Ok, so moving right along..... Does everyone that doesn't have Darkvision have their torches handy?? Good, good. Ok, any of you tall folks watch out for low hanging stalactites and everyone look out for stalagmites cause next up is Reorx!

You know Reorx, created Krynn from a bit o' good ol' Chaos, chief god of the dwarves, right? He's one of the more fun-loving gods, although every once in a while he can be a bit morose (don't ask him about the GreyGem). I guess that's just so he can stay in balance and all. Gotta do that if you are a neutral god after all, right?

Reorx is the go to guy for crafty folks, and works with Shinare to promote dwarven craftsmanship and all the jazz.

Ok, so we are to Paladine are we? What can I say about this god of good. He's shiny, really, really shiny. He's shiny cause he's so gooooood. He's shiny cause he's known as the Platinum Dragon. He's shiny cause he's one of the founders of the Knights of Solomnia. He's just a shiny, shiny god.

Unless he's Fizban.

That's all I got, except if you are a goody-goody, you'll LOVE worshiping him. Or if you are a dragon, or a Knight of Solamnia.

Ok, can we all agree from here one out the Knights are going to be abbreviated KoS? Thanks.

Ok, where are we? Just about halfway through the list (Whoo).

Nuitari. Wow, it looks like we are back in the dark again. Sigh. Anyone have a match?

Nuitari is the son of Takhisis and Sargonnas. He decided, along with the other gods of magic to go inhabit a moon of Krynn so he could be "closer to his followers".

Personally, I think he left home to get away from Mommy and Daddy.

He's the god of the Black Robes, and he loves a nice Chianti.... I mean, he's loves secrets (almost as bad as a Slaugh if you ask me. Opps, sorry, wrong gaming system).

Any way, he's sooooo into secrets that you never see his symbol in the sky, except for during the Night of the Eye when the three moons of Krynn line up in the sky. Besides then, you have to be a Black Robed Wizard to see that moon.

<Cough> <Cough> <Cough> Sorry, who are we up to next? Morgion? Gosh, no WONDER I feel like death warmed over. Oh what, no, that Chemosh. Ok, I feel like I've coming down with some REALLY REALLY bad.

Morgion is the eeeeeeeeevil God of Sickness and Contagion and all things that will lay you flat on your back for a week or more. His interests also lie in Madness and decay in general (Dwarves, everytime some nice things of your's rusts, you know who to blame!).

Like most of the Gods of Darkness, he doesn't like the good Gods, especially Mishakal, who is is direct opposite.

And who is also next.

This is the most worshipped, most revered, most loved God on Krynn, and why not? Mishakal is not only a snappy dresser (Blue is the DM's Favorite color, and Mishakal is know as the Blue Lady, K?), and the wife of Paladine and the mom of some heavy hitters in the pantheon of good BUT she heals people. That's so awesome!

Even though she is known for her motherly compassionate nature there is one person that she really can't stand, her sister-in-law, Tahkisis (am I sensing a trend here?). She's not to fond of Morgion (he always ruins all her best flowers) or Chemosh (he's always bring back her best flowers as slobbering zombie brain suckers) either for that matter.

Ok, so the next one up is a tough one. He's a god of good, but he's not part of the whole big brood o' godlings that Paladine and Mishakal had (between those to an their brood, they make up 5 of 7 gods of good), but he's still awfully important to the Gods of Light, especially Paladine.

He's the chief gods of the monks, not that there are many of those on Krynn, but still. He's into the whole mediation and yoga and stuff, but if you tick him off he'll go all Krav Maga on your backsides.

Don't mess with Shaft.... err.... Majere.

Are we there yet? Actually, we are about 2/3 of the way through.

Ok, back to the Wizards type. Lunitari. She's an interesting woman. See, her father, Gilean, doesn't HAVE a consort (too neutral? maybe), so she sprang from his head fully formed.

Wait a minute..... that's can be right.... Hold on......

<Papers shuffling>

Huh, ok, Gilean wants to be just like Zeus, or maybe it's Jupiter. I don't know, but it says right here that Lunitari sprang fully formed from his head.

Maybe that's why she's all about illusions (you know, Mind FREAKS!). Anywho, she's the Goddes what leads the Red Robe neutrally Wizards.

She gets on pretty good with her cousins, Sol and Nuit, but pretty much stays out of the other gods business.

Next.....

Kiri(I'm cool cause I've got a hyphenated name)-Jolith is next on the list. Him, his dad (Paladine) and his brother (Habbukuk) got together one day and said, "You know what we should do.... We should TOTALLY go and tell that Vinas Solamnus guy to break away from the Ergothian empire, start a new nation and then start this group of Knight, wouldn't that be AWESOME."

No, I swear that's what they did.

So they did that, and so now each of the gods is a patron of one of the orders (Kiri-Jolith is patron of the Knights of the Sword, Habbukak the Knights of the Crown and Paladine the Knights of the Rose). You know why the Knights have those horns on their helmets, Kiri-Jolith. Yah see, for some reason his symbol is a buffalo (Ta tan kah), so in honor of KJ they have horns on their helmets.

Ain't that sweet.

As you can imagine, he's also in charge of warriors the fight the "good fight" and go to battle to protect the innocents and all that good stuff.

Alright, let's move through this next one quickly, cause he's one bad dude that you don't want to attract the attention of.....

And since we have already dealt with Vengence and Pestilence that's saying something.

Hiddukel isn't nearly as in your face as Sargonnas and Morigion. Noooooo, instead of making you violently ill or just killing you, he will make your live a living nightmare, bad deals, dishonest merchants, thieves stealing you blind? Guess who you must have ticked off.

Don't mess with him or he'll steal you blind.

As far as who he doesn't like, that would be Branchala, who is all about truth and beauty and a great song. Not so much with Hiddukel.

Ok, all you good Druids, if I haven't lost you ALREADY listen up. It's your turn.

Habbukuk, Kiri-Jolith's twin brother is not only large and in charge of the one of the orders of Knights, but he's also the go to guys for Druids.

He's BFF with Branchala, and really can't stand Zeboim. Of course the feelings are mutual between these scions of nature.

Home stretch here....

Gilean, the head of the Neutral Gods. Gilean is in charge of lots of things, like the whole history of Krynn. And keeping Paladine and Tahkisis from killing each other.

Some say that Astinus of the Library of Palanthus is really Gilean in disguise. This Fairy ain't saying a word....

Not a sylablle.

Whoot! Three more to go!!!!!!

Chislev is the neutral Goddess of Nature. She's also a good one not to mess with cause while Habbakuk represents the nice, pretty, picnicky side of nature and Zeboim represents the evil, but can be bribe, so bad that you know not to touch that snake side, Chislev is dispassionate and neutral and is just as likely to rip your throat out as to save your backsides.

She doesn't have a lot of clerics, but truly neutral druids are drawn to worshiping her. Chis and Ziv have the hook up and are feircely loyal to each other.

Oooooh, another one that I'm going run through (and after all we are almost done with this). Chemosh, Lord of the Undead. That just doesn't sound like someone you want to invite over for tea and crumpets, does it?

No, I didn't think so.

Needless to say this one doesn't get on well with most of the Gods of Light, and most especially Mishakal.

Oh goodie, last one.

Ok, now I KNOW that some of you (ok, probably most of you) will laugh that this one is even included on the list. I mean afterall, aren't Bards the butt of all kinds of jokes?

Well Branchala is more than just the Bard King. He's the one that sang all of the mortal on Krynn in to life (that means you too). He's all sorts of goodness and light and laughter and looker to boot.

He's also one of the cheif gods of the Elves and I KNOW we have a lot of elves around here. So don't laugh. You can snicker a little bit, but no out right laughing.

It's not nice.

Oh and he's also the most important God for Kender.

Ok, now I can HEAR you laughing!

Alrighty. I think that about does it.

You got questions? You let me know.

More to come from me before I turn it over to the NPC's (but not much more)....